"Bend Over and Let Me See"

I've always been picky about things. My meat has to be cooked a certain way (burnt) and I've never really been fond of eating things off the bone. I know I can't be the only one who is sickened by that dark red vein of a chicken wing that pops back after your teeth have torn through the meaty flesh. Don't put me in charge of cooking chicken, because by the time I am done chiseling away at the white cartilage and blood spots, the chicken breast turns into a chicken nugget. Don't even get me started on those red blotches in lunch meat.

I've also never enjoyed touching fish. I've been fishing many, many times, and I love it. I really do, but only as long as someone else puts my minnow on the hook and takes the fish off the hook once I've caught it. There's just something about not knowing when it's about to wiggle that causes me some anxiety.

I failed Freshman Biology Lab because I just couldn't do it. I remember walking in the lab one day and saw my lab partners holding a rat we were to dissect. I courteously said my good-byes and walked right out. I just didn't see the purpose in knowing what was inside that incredibly ugly creature.

Then I became a mom....

Somehow the gross factor is intensified so much that it just doesn't matter anymore. I'm changing a diaper and notice I have poo smeared all over my hand, and I merely wipe it off. No flinching. No dry-heaving. I'm feeding my baby and she vomits milk all over me. No worries. I just change my shirt. And when did boogies not become gross anymore? I truly feel like a boogie collector.

"Mama!" Rylee calls from the bedroom at night.

"Yes, darling?"

"I have a boogie for you".

"Thank you," I say, while taking it and leaving the room.

Thank you? Did I just thank her for handing me a boogie? We went for a week with her calling me back to hand me her treasure two to three times a night. I wanted to just tell her, "Wipe it on the wall. I wash it off tomorrow", exasperated from walking back and forth each night. I did tell her one night, "Just flick it off!" But what was so funny is that I wasn't bothered by the boogie itself, just the fact that I had to walk across the house to get it. When did the boogie stop bothering me?

Perhaps when she started wiping her own behind after a good poo...

Well after she was potty trained, I still wiped her bottom after she dropped a big one. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't carrying around any fecal matter that would be displaced somewhere else later in the day. But, she's four now, and has been wiping on her own. However, I still ask her, "Did you wipe good enough?"

"Yes."

"Bend over and let me see."

I'm not really sure when looking at someone's booty hole become a natural part of my day, but nevertheless, it did. I don't ask her to bend over anymore, since I trust that she has adequate wiping skills, but it never fails that after she poos, she comes to me and drops her pants, bends over to the ground and shows me she's all clean. How do I respond to this?

"Good job, baby girl, the poo is all gone."

Then she pulls her pants up and we go on with our day....